CLEARING UP RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS

Jesus gives His disciples a new commandment in John 13:34-35, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." One of the most important practical application of the command to love one another is being committed to clearing up relationships (Eph 4:3).

Each member of the body of Christ is connected to not only the Head, but also to the other members (Eph 4:4-6). If the upper arm is angry at the lower arm and shuts off the flow of nourishing blood to it, what is the result? What is the affect on the lower arm? What about the upper ann? What about the body as a whole?

1) FIRST, STEPS TO TAKE IF YOU HAVE ____________ AGAINST SOMEONE ELSE

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (Mt 5:23-24). This statement by Jesus means that you are responsible to confess your sin to the other person and do your part to make the relationship right.

Number 1 - Pray and ask God to open their heart, and to give you the grace to ___________ yourself and openly confess what you have done wrong.

Number 2 - Confess your sin, don't soft pedal what you did, tell them "I was wrong, for (whatever your sin against them was)."

Number 3 - Ask the person to _________you. Actually say the words "will you forgive me This gives them more of an opportunity to willingly choose to forgive you, and it will benefit both of you.

Remember, if you have sinned against someone, you have tempted them to resent you. This could cause roots of ____________ to develop if it is not dealt with.

Generally, sin has been committed by both side of the conflict. When this is the case, you should go to the other person and ________ your sin. Don't wait for them to come to you first, even if you think it was 90% their fault. You are responsible to confess your part no matter what they do.

Number 4 - I want to give you two cautions in confession. First, be sure you confess only your sin, don't try to justify your actions or attitudes by pointing to their sin. For you to say, "I got angry but you were sharp with me first,", would not be an appropriate approach. Remember, you are responsible for your reaction even if they _____________" it (Rom 12: 14-21).

Second, if the person you have sinned against is not aware of your sin, it is usually best not to bring it up to them. Just confess it to God and begin acting properly toward the person from then on. Sometimes people are hurt by people confessing things, "I've been thinking lots of bad thoughts about your selfishness and pride, I was wrong, will you forgive me." This would not be good for the other person. Confess only if the person is aware of the offense. For example, "The way I spoke harshly with you the other day was wrong, will you forgive me.'¹

2) SECOND, STEPS TO TAKE IF YOU'RE N___ S______ IF YOU HAVE SINNED AGAINST SOMEONE BUT YOU SENSE THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT RIGHT

Number 1 - Pray for discernment and restoration.

Number 2 - Say "It seems to me that there may be something wrong between us. Is there? Have I sinned against you?"

Number 3 - If they tell you of sin you've committed, confess it and ask for forgiveness. If not, simply affirm your desire to love them and to have a _______ relationship with them.

3) THIRD, STEPS TO TAKE IF YOU ARE SINNED AGAINST

Number 1 - ________ them by faith. "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mk 11:25).

Number 2 - Pray for them. "Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" (Lk 6:28)

Number 3 - Do good to them, love them, overcome _________ with good (Lk 6:27-36).

Number 4- Possibly confront them.

How can you tell if you need to confront
someone who has sinned against you?

(1) First, possibly confront when you are still struggling with your attitude after doing #1, #2, and #3.

(2) Second, possibly confront when you can't ____________ yourself from talking about their offense. When you are really hurt there is an inner motivation to tell someone about it. The motivation is given to stimulate you to pray and to talk with the person who offended you. You are not, I repeat, you are NOT to talk about the offense with other people.

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for ed~fi cation according to the need of the ~no~nent, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and __________ and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice" (Eph 4:29-31).

"He who covers a transgression seekc love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends" (Prov 17:9).

The only exception to this may be going to a spiritual leader for counsel on how you are to approach an especially delicate situation. Generally, however, it is better to ________ involve anyone else.

(3) Third, possibly confront when the person continues to sin against you in the same way repeatedly. Generally, you don't reprove someone if its just a one-time slip up.

(4) Fourth, possibly confront when you have reason to believe the person who offended you is in a wise frame of mind.

"He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for hi,nself and he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself Do not reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you, reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning" (Prov 9:7-9).

When a person is a Christian and _______________ to walking with the Lord, he wisely wants to receive insight into blind spots and is open to reproof and correction. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid"(Prov 12:1).

4) FOURTH, WHAT TO DO IF YOU BELIEVE GOD WANTS YOU TO REPROVE SOMEONE FOR A SIN AGAINST YOU

Number 1 - Pray first and ask God to _________ to them.

Number 2 - Be sure you have confessed your sin, that the log is out of your eye first (Mt 7:1-5;Gal 6:1).

Number 3 - Talk to them in _________ (Mt 18:15).

Number 4 - Express appreciation for all they have done right; name specific things (Rev 2:4-6).

Number 5 - Be gentle, ___________ and avoid arguing (2 Tim 2:24-26).

Number 6 - Tell them how you felt when they did or said what they did. Ask them if you were reading things correctly.

Number 7 - Allow time for them to __________

Number 8 - Use Scripture to clarify the issues.

*Reproof and correction come only as a __________ resort, and should be done within an atmosphere of encouragement Our approach with others should be 90% encouragement, 10% correction.

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" Rom 12:18)

"Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord" (Heb 12:4).